Sex is beautiful, powerful, intense, and erotic. But sex can also be scary for both men and women. Men can have fear of failure to please, fear of erection problems, and even fear of acceptance. Many men do not know how to kiss and have little or no concept of engaging in foreplay to arouse their lover. Women worry long before they ever reach the bedroom (or wherever!) that their face and body will not be beautiful enough for their man. Many women do not know that it is natural and acceptable to give, as well as get pleasure, which results in their passively lying there while their man is thrusting, their man all-the-while wishing to be pleasured while he is plesuring her. Both men and women can feel concern, if not fear, that love will not be returned after they have given up this sacred element of their being. And let's not forget the ever-present pressure to be a stud or sex goddess, lest we be branded as boring. Fear of sex can also be based on sexual abuse experienced either in childhood, in a sexual relationship, during a rape, or in a marriage.
One of the least discussed factors in the issue of fear of sex is the value of building intimacy and desire outside of intercourse. The cultural message is that sex (i.e. intercourse, or at the very least, oral sex) is something that should happen no later than the fourth date. RomanticFlair would like to challenge you to do something that goes against the grain of our cultural media. It is incredibly erotic to get to know someone of the opposite sex over a period of time (months) and allow desire to build. This involves being together regularly (not meaning at work), discussing sex openly on a regular basis, having fun with this openness, and getting to know the other person's thoughts and feelings about an array of everyday issues without engaging in intercourse.
A woman can feel overwhelmed by the power of a man's sexuality. Word has it that many women are afraid of sex. This is largely due to the rush that our culture puts on sexual engagement. Women can become shy or unimaginative in the process of lovemaking when they are rushed. A woman can also be unsure of how much she can and should allow herself in an intimate physical encounter, because women who are sexually assertive can be perceived as lewd.
Likewise, a man can feel unsure of what he can or should allow himself with his lover. Testosterone is a powerful hormone that needs to be tempered in its approach. Openess and mutual agreement are crucial and will provide familiarity and trust if introduced into a relationship before intense physical engagement. RomanticFlair advocates responsibility in sexual engagement and personal commitment to one's love partner. Take time to get to know the person with whom you want to get in bed. Marriage is still a desirable and honorable goal.
Sex will be pleasant if there is open communication, mutual respect, honesty, agreement about what is acceptable and desirable, and an attitude of fun. If you are in a relationship where one or more of these elements is missing, tell your lover at an opportune time what you feel is missing. If your lover will not discuss change, try to be patient and work with him or her. If, after a reasonable amount of time, your lover remains unconcerned with meeting your needs, maybe you should consider getting professional help. You can build the aforementioned elements into your lifestyle slowly. You will be amazed how positively a sexually-charged lifestyle can lift your spirits and make you feel alive! RomanticFlair does not recommend casual sex or recreational sex.
RomanticFlair offers Romance Advice on a trial basis, 3 months at-a-time, a combination of both, or a custom plan you negotiate with Customer Care. We also recommend Books on Romance that specifically address issues discussed on this page, as well as The Sexual Mastery System, our Hot Romance Coupons, and our Herbal Passion Recipe. May the beauty and pleasure of romance be yours!
