It is admittedly no easy thing to have an exciting sex life with children around. Children are naturally curious and want to know what their parents are doing when they hear sounds from their parents' lovemaking. In general, children want to be where the excitement is and they want to be sure that their mother is not being hurt. Many a child has walked in on their parents' lovemaking and thought that their mother was in trouble!
     Sexual awareness in American culture seems to start earlier with every generation. Parents find themselves having to explain sexual matters to their children early on in order for the information their children take to heart to be what the parents deem appropriate. Awareness can peak curiosity, and curiosity in turn can translate into intrusion on intimacy. Add to that the necessary nurturing and accommodation that children require, and you may find yourself with little or no time for romance. Let's face it--marriage becomes perfunctory and dutiful without romance.
     How does a couple get time for intimacy, and once they are alone, how can they maintain privacy and have the kind of sexual play they desire? One of the main reasons so many couples are unhappy in marriage is because they have lost the fun of their relationship. Here are a few tips to help you get back and maintain the excitement of love, romance, and sex:

     Let the children see that you and your spouse put each other first. By this, it is not meant that you ignore or neglect the children. It means simply that your #1 person is your spouse. Don't allow the children to play you out against your spouse or divide you in any way. Never argue in front of the children. Make an agreement to give each other a distinct signal when you need to discuss something apart from the children that you may not agree on and that needs to be decided immediately. Provide the children with some sort of entertainment or put them in their playpen or crib, and let them know you will be back shortly. Never fight where the children can hear you.

     Go out at least once per week without the children. Hire a babysitter you can trust or trade babysitting with another couple you trust. One of the most fun and bonding things to do while you are out is to go dancing. Music lifts the spirit, and dancing allows you to let go, to be in physical contact with your spouse without engaging in sex , and to show your spouse that you can still have fun with him or her. This kind of entertainment can very often be had for the cost of 2-4 soft drinks. Look for a place that has live music without a cover charge. Just getting out of the house together will make a big difference. Ask the babysitter to have the children dressed for bed when you pick them up and to have any bottles made, diapers changed, or whatever might otherwise consume your time for lovemaking at home.

     At other times during the week when you are not going out, keeping a routine in terms of times for eating, bed, and who handles which chores can result in enough time to engage your spouse in loveplay. It's better to "mess around" for a mere 15 minutes, than to forego this bit of fun and feel uptight and dissatisfied. This loss of fun can have a profound effect on your relationship.

     If you have older children, your babysitting issues may be solved, but their awareness can also pose a bit of a dilemma. Renting a hotel room is one possibility. If your funds are limited, and you can't go out, have a talk with your older children, father with son, and mother with daughter, about your need to have time for lovemaking with your spouse. Today's kids know quite a bit more about sex than their parents did at the same age. There's not much sense in trying to hide it from them. You would have to have a talk with them about sex at some point one way or the other. They might be disgusted at first, but in the end they will likely respect you for the healthy, sexual beings that you are, parents who value each other so much that they would be willing to reveal their intimate need for one another. This, by the way, goes a long way toward demonstrating to the children that you hold each other in high esteem and that your spouse is #1. You are in love--it's a never-to-be-forgotten model for your children.

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